I want that man but don't call me 'gay'.

I love John... it is a 'bad' thing ... the people have spoken ... it is 'bad' and I am 'bad' ... but I shan't drop the italics as I refuse to believe it.

Maybe I am twisted ..... and maybe I am difficult .... and maybe I am different ..... but so what!?

My Mother says that I am 'difficult' but who cares what she thinks. I questioned her about her dodgy decision to adopt me. I said that she and her husband did it to protect the reputation of her sister ... that is my mother. How embarrassing to have an illegitimate child in the 1970's. This must NOT happen. Oh Lordy no! Don't tell the truth.

I have been angry at the lies and angry at the deceit. My health has suffered ... possibly ... but who gives a d*mn what psychiatrists say. You need a tablet and a protective locked door.... you need more therapy.

No, I need to be myself. That is enough. Being 'gay' is a shame .... it is accepted now, the century has changed .... we like you now! Don't give me that crap, I don't care for your 'likings'. I am not 'gay' or GAY or gay or G-A-Y. I am not hiding. I have slept with men ... I did not feel guilt ... not a lot ... as I liked it.

But I like Monica Bellucci and I like Carole Bouquet and I like Britney Spears in the nude and I wanted to sleep with Madonna. I have no reason to make this up. I don't really care what you think of me. I AM NOT GAY!!! But if the world says, that is not acceptable then I shall not roll over and die.

I love John... it is a 'bad' thing ... the people have spoken ... it is 'bad' and I am 'bad' ... but I shan't drop the italics as I refuse to believe it.