★ (5th Letter To America) ~ So A Threesome With Ms Palin Is Out Of The Question Then!? ★

M., strange times are upon us!

Yesterday, I received a UPS envelope that contained a $3000 (USD) check from an organiztion in Philadelphia (from what I could tell)! I was instructed to pocket a generous portion of it and send the balance to an orphanage in Ohio! What the!? It all seems above board with addresses and bank details (I Googled!)

Ain't life grand!

So, with a few more 'lovely numbers' such as this, you and I shall be jetting off to the Maldives for a 'recovery holiday'! (Recovering from what!? Well .... the Governor of Alaska is becoming increasingly 'frightful' and Voldemort like! J.Mc is scary enough as it is ..... NOW THIS!!! - my head, is swimming, somebody get me the smelling salts - post haste!

I'm very 'aristocratic' in manner when I go away! Everything is just 'super darling', tres exquisite and v.v. 'Fab!'. Simply delish! (Which, reminds me; my latest literary creation, 'Binky' Poddington-Wordsworth, a socialite from the Upper East Side, with an annoying penchant for Christie's 'must haves or I shall simply expire on te spot!' is a voracious anti-Palin campaigner! Binky does not approve of Ms P, oh Lordy no! She said to me (sotto voce of course) ... "Must have words with thee my sweet, 'tis about that frightful lass from Alas-y-ka! Oh my ..... I said 'Pet', I said 'Love', I said 'Sweets', I said 'Hon', I said 'Ducks .... this appallingly dressed 'apparition' (referring to 'Ms Palin') is simply stomach-turning! The hair, that ghastly way she does her eyeliner and, Don't get me started on her wardrobe .... I thought I would simply die! Shivering with the horror of it all! Bring back Jackie O - now 'there' was style! Must dash, Chiquita needs her walkies and then it's off to the Astor's for my bridge date ... Toodle-loo Pet! .... I must say, I'm loving that color on you ..... Subl-l-l-l-liiime!" .... Binky knows what's 'in' and what's 'out' I can assure you!

Enough of my fun 'n' games! I am planning to write a 'syrupy' mucsical in the style of 'High Society' or 'Showboat' all about the lives of musically talented and quintessentially romantic 'boroughed' fools! Big band melodies and sugar lyrics to tease and please .... a bit of a Gerswhin 'aura' chucked in, shake up, stir, and serve to the Cinema going hoards! ..... with one twist, one delicious catch! Every character in the film is a reformed herion junkie, cross-dressing, trans-gendered 'freak'! (note italics). Yes, the 'excluded' shall have their moment in the sun - Drag Queens who can do Grace K. to a 'T'! .... Couldn't chya just die!? (winks)

Love and a hug,
Dave.

P.S. ..... the curtains go up, the scene is Central Park on a cold winter's day, a few people straggle across the footbridge over the lake and the camera does a wide panoramic sweep to focus in on me looking buff, cheeky and ever so twee! ..... then I start to sing, holding up a discrete sign 'Dedicated to my sweet Marky - the only angel from above!' .... then, the rich tones of ....
'Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you
If youre young at heart
For its hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind
If youre young at heart

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on its way

Dont you know that its worth every treasure on earth
To be young at heart
For as rich as you are its much better by far
To be young at heart

And if you should survive to 105
Look at all youll derive out of being alive
Then here is the best part
You have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart

And if you should survive to 105
Look at all youll derive out of being alive
Then here is the best part
You have a head start
If you are among the very young.... at...... heart....'' I'm joined at the end of the last chorus by a buxom pair of black transvestites who cover me in snuggly schmoozy embraces and a thousand kissies! Oh glee, oh rapture! I wonder if our darling friend Sarah would approve!? Tra-la-la!!! :-) x

★ (4th Letter To America) - Yikes! Your Last E.m. Didn't Escape My Spam Filters - Strange!? ★

You sending me 'spam' laddie!? (between bread slices).

My 'dodgy' reference was me saying to you that I hoped you found 'cold comfort' in your fridge moving! It sounds slightly acid and 'snarky' from my part - didn't mean it this way though!

The Enron bit got dropped ('stern, unimpressed looks my way?') Not to worry. I just tacked out a really shortish piece cos it might be rejected and I can't be bothered to write books on a blog!

I've included a copy of my article (*) for you to have a quick squizz! (NOT worth digging I admit, and the copyright on it could be 'frightful' for now, but I kept it 'safe', 'clean' and 'appropriate'! Sounds like Ms Palin's sex life to me! big grins)

Cheers Champ!
Love your fuzzy wuzzy bud from Down Under!

(*) Article with-held for contractual/copyright reasons.

★ (3rd Letter To America) - The State of The States And Why Chocolate Just Might Be The Answer! ★

'ello, 'ello!

What the devil am I getting at!? Hmmmmm.......... I feel sad when I hear angry tales from U.S. citizens about their country; the repression and lack of essential services etc. Michael Moore is a two-edged sword; his genius clarifies and crucifies at the same time! It has always been the way that the biggest stars of them all will get the harshest treatment and the most unforgiving judgements. Is it karma!? (What would I know - just a 'dumb cowboy' from the outback etc).

But lets face it, there aren't many other brigher stars than the U.S.! And where does the chocolate come in to it? I'm an addict, not 'usual' for a man!? (My t-shirt has printed on it "see that 'girl'...." I sniggered tho'! ;-) I refuse to get bogged down with the 'issues' of life! CBS, NBC, ABC etc can scrabble for the crumbs! I just wanna chill and eat da sweet bounty! (Sorry, I get lambasted for my 'ghetto' speech in some cyber-quarters!) .... 'Where were you born? F*cking Harlem or something!?' In a dustbin on 5th actually, (is what I should say back!)

So, this is another meringue-whipped farcical epistle. Am a happy camper and I 'irritate' with my jollilities! ........... sigh! Someday I shall have a base in the U.S., I just know it, and you can visit me in my Upper East Side apartment for pyjama parties and l'il chats about fat cats and square Bitches! (..... 'ave lost the plot!) I want to make the quintessential feature film that sends up Manhattan's vices and rubs Woodie's (Allen) face in his own over-indulgences! (in the nicest way possible of course my friend!) ...... why Mia didn't just stay shacked up with Monsieur Previn is anyone's guess!? ..... how about a quick game of underage geisha girl sundae? (smack my behind!) ;=0

Gotta run - stacks 2 do as per!

Hugz and forgive my 'diatribe' .... you know you love it!.... whimper...

D.

~ Brevity Is The Soul Of Wit! (2nd Letter To America).

Dear (name with-held),

Everyone pretend to be normal! (I watch too many 'side-industry' films I think!?) I'm about to leave for the city ('capital show') but wanted to wish you luck with the fridge! (Take a Quaalude - Ms Love swears by them!)

Sorry to say but the subject line sums up this little 'tome.' I am guest blogging on a well-known Internet 'celebrity's' website and I want to pen a 'tres fab' article on the Enron scandal and why ethical business practices must be the order of the day! (Could be quite 'diggable'!?) My 'employer' seems like an uptight Republican 'lover' so I shall tread carefully. Michael (Moore) and I would get along famously but the 'severe' businessman in me would still try to sell him back-end weight loss products! (Naughty, naughty!)

So, my desirable friend, may you find 'cold comfort' in your 'moving' duties! ..... that sounds a bit 'dodgy', sorry!

Love D.

'Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,
I will be brief: your noble son is mad.'

★ Letter To America ★

Thanks, (name with-held)! - for e.m. and compliments!

I chortled at your 'helicopter' incident! Why not 'moon' them next time!? You could have 'Free Iraq!' in large, red-lipsticked letters across your posterior! :-)

I was a big reader in my childhood and had great English teachers too! The reason why I 'escaped' in to the land of literature (and otherwise) was that I lost my parents as a child and was somewhat traumatized by this, so resorted to reading (and lots of it!) ..... oh dear, I have a scar on my forhead too and have an affinity with all things mystical and 'veiled'..... where has Hedwig gone and why can't I apparate in to the next room!? (apologies to J.K. Rowling!)

But seriously, my development years were fraught and I did mourn my Ma and Pa for an extended time!

Best to you Bud!

Love D.