Saturday, November 29, 2008

The 'real' Australia (no Nicole Kidman or Hugh Jackson to be bothered with). Letter to my old man...


I haven't been emailing lately. The unopened messages are running close to thousands in fact. Today sees my return to online work; my everyday life, as usual (it seems), has been chaotic, complicated and always surprising somehow.

So far I have avoided living back on the streets by playing things fairly safe at the hotel that I am staying. It is very cosmopolitan central but dirt cheap ($20 per night). I am 'under attack' from my Polish roommate, as it were, as he doesn't seem to like me a lot. I'm 'poisoning him with my mobile phone', he brandishes a knife in the room at times and thought that I was part of the French Secret Service (from what I can gather) because I called him Monsieur Artiste de monde (Mister Artist of the World) and he read deep things in to it apparently. He ranted that he was a 'target' because of some story about missing Nazi gold and all I could think of was call Indiana Jones in a hurry mate! (Naughty grin). (I'm sure he is a fraudster and wants me out of 'his' room) but Thank G. some others have now moved in and his 'nastiness' has been curtailed. I admit, (sorry to bore?) I called him 'Fascist' at one stage as the 'rules' of the room were all about him largely and I got cheesed about it. I apologized later because of his Eastern European background and because his family was no doubt affected by the doings of the German Socialists, who were undoubtedly 'Fascist'. Anyway, he seems to enjoy the instant befriending and 'informing' of any new hotel guests and I feel like I'm living in a Cold War Zone with 'mysteriously annoyed people'. Guess what? After being fodder for the courts, print and news media (on the odd occasion), irate family and friends and the 'grubby' general public at large, I feel immune to the petty silliness of a Polish artist. And to make things better, a very 'helmet' headed Australian has moved in to the room (yesterday), noisy, smelly, insensitive, loud, 'typical' and doesn't seem to be the type to 'take sides'. Hallelujah! Then, party girls from Wagga Wagga took the adjoining room and 'little Miss extroverted' jumped in and out of the 'Polish dorm'. I instantly fell for her as she was so damn cheeky, pretty and 'pawed' me with a grin. Her friend rescued her, which was probably just as well as the 'others' in the room (NOT ME!) were undoubtably mysoginist it seemed. They talk about women as though they are nothing more than annoying bits of furniture with 'slutty' dress sense! I'm someone who actually likes the ladies and am delighted by the increasing number of times that complete strangers (females) walk up to me in the street and start chatting away. It seems to happen a lot actually; lucky me!

Still, the room availability at the hotel does not look that secure at times and I may be forced out owing to the Christmas crowds. The management seems to give the nod to 'workers' etc, so I quite happily blather on about my online marketing and website building. It is very hard work at times, pays a pittance, is entirely thankless and allows me a certain contained celebrity in the wider world of the Internet 'madness'. I have been featured on a Russian website as well as picked up by large social networking sites etc. Sure, the man who sells doughnuts or scrubs the loos will get all the kudos in this type of society but I like to keep building my online presence and it feels as though the 'influence' reaches far from these shores at times. I can't be the doughnut seller or the toilet man right now as my C.V. is crappy, I can't wash my clothes at the moment and my (word deleted) medication is giving me the pips; and 'Yes'!, I have tried to link in with mental health here in the city but it is nigh on impossible to get a bulk billing G.P. to give me a reference to the service (needed) and then I run the risk of being over-medicated (yet again) and would be very quickly living in the park again. Do I hate life sometimes? You betcha!!

The legal bit. Still undecided. The court seems to be giving me more and more leeway on this one. I have, as advised, written to the courts and explained very thouroughly my side of the stories. I was as objective as possible and clearly underlined that I was not looking for any favors whatsoever. A legal worker that I chatted with seems to think that the matters will be in eternal 'limbo' and that if I never return to Queensland (no more visits) I will never have the matter/s reinstated.. Seems stupid. I deliberately handed over the 'full story', as I saw it, without making any type of glib apology. I've never come across a single person in life who has made a difference in the world, who hasn't at some stage been 'witch hunted' for an action that went against the grain of society. Even Lincoln, who gets touted as 'America's Hero', based part of his Presidential push (from what I know) on the promise that he would keep slavery in the South, alive and well. Strange world! 'Fortunately' for me, my particular matters have turned certain parties 'political' and there has been a fair bit of bickering and disagreement and 'taking of sides' among workers in Queensland Health and the Toowoomba legal fraternity too. To be fair, I think they all 'suck' somehow. 3 years and counting; can't someone with a bit of gumption and wherewithal look at the 'stuff' and make a choice. The longer it goes, the seedier it all becomes somehow but I feel largely unaffected by it. I was never trying to make a statement, be political or push people's buttons etc. I just saw something I liked and went after it. Rules, regulations, societies 'morals', biblical laws, what the 'majority' does has rarely meant one whip to me. The only thing that would have surprised me is if I hadn't been persecuted at some stage. 'Bad boys' always get a whipping and make enemies and sometimes are anything but contrite! (You don't need to add your 'yes, but...' opinion here as I am unlikely to read it). Very independantly minded here and will take bullets if and when they come. I said to someone once that I 'wasn't born in this life to win a popularity contest'. I admit that I'm angry and resentful and bitter and a bit twisted and hate people for denying me my rights to 'my' parents and am unlikely to change any of this in a hurry. Extremist? ..... to sum up. What is the difference between me and a terrorist? Answer: You can negotiate with a terrorist. I am determined, sometimes hard-hearted, fully expect to 'piss' off the establishment, rarely apologize, don't care if I remain 'unloved' and may turn out to be one of life's 'biggest failures', but I think that on my 'death bed' I will have every right to sing Mister Sinatra's l'il tune .....

'For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!'

Always controversial, always provocative, never repentant and possibly an enormous 'disappointment'. But I feel like I'm alive so something is working.

If you have read this far then kudos and a an OAM for you etc.

Finishing; the one thing about being 'perenially unpopular' is that you get used to it and finally develop the strength to really do what you want in life. And that, I'm afraid, is your bloomin' lot for the week.

Cheers and a hug,
The defiant one. ;-)

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